home, at last!

I'm home! Met my fam, met Lou (finally!), and went to places with them. It's been nearly a month here, and in less than a week I'll be going back to Malang for offline classes. Life's spinning so fast lately, like how in earth I'll be in 3rd semester of college in 4 months?! I mean I'm not done with college yet, but I can already feel the breeze of holiday! By I mean I'm not done is I'M SERIOUSLY SO DEAD AHAHAHAH the last project of Arch Design is waiting to be done and I'm here, chilling at Sentul, doing absolutely nothing but resting and eating all day. Geez dad has been too nice, we've been eating expensive foods for the last 2 days. Last night we had pizzas (200k each!) and the other night we had sushi and japanese foods. There was this menu, they serve 2 piece of sushi and it costs 45k. 45k for 2 sushis! I didnt try them but dad said it was worth the price. How?! A sushi is still a sushi, tiny rice rolled in seaweed slice. 

After all, I still think that universe is on my side. Yes the deadlines feels like hell, but I can still manage to finish them, even though some of them are not the best I can do. But at least they're done. I don't get revision (or I feel like I dont need to) and everything feels just fine. For now. My lecturer even said "Bagus, Vania" in the private comment of my assignment. That really made my day. The next drawing I need to work is perspective, and that will be 3-5 pages of A3. And after that I'll be working on my model and poster, in A2 paper. God, give me strength to finish all this... But again, this is still the 2nd semester, I don't want to put myself in too much stress because the next semester will be even worse. I still want to enjoy the 1st Arch Design subject. I can see my future self designing a skyscraper and then look back to where I am now and be jealous, for I am still designing a simple shelter and public space. 

Let's talk about the difference of being alone and being with my siblings. Both have its own advantages and disadvantages though. Being alone means that you have a full control of your life, and that also means that your life could be a full mess and there's no one to help you out. Being alone is freedom, being alone can be confusing too, and being alone is the perfect time to reflect everything. You can be and do whatever. Meanwhile, when you share your room with 2 of your siblings, it's totally a different world. You can not not communicate, right? What really annoy me is that the two of them is having a puberty crisis, their mood swings like roller coaster. They can be mad for you for no reason and that's really annoying. I don't know when to joke around and to be serious with them. So the best I can do is just to keep my distance and keep my tone neutral. I even feel like a guest in my own room sometimes. Ah correction, our room. I have to sleep in the least favorite bed, the nearest to the aircon, the coolest. When I want to raise the temperature, my siblings tend to get uncomfy easily so I have to give in. Whatever, I'm a guest anyway. That's what I put in mind so I don't feel 'betrayed' too much. Puberty sucks. I think I'm not that annoying at their age. I think I never had that "moodswing" moments tho. Not even in my PMS. I get mad when something triggers me. There's always a reason behind my mood. If not, I think I don't show it to people. Huft, the perks of being an oldest. You second-prioritized yourself before your little siblings. 

Another thing that makes me feel like a 'guest' here. I feel way too different compared to my siblings. In this case, physical appearance. Honestly speaking, I feel the ugliest. I don't know how they grew so tall, even my sister who's an 08 liner is like 5 cm taller than me. Or even more? My brother, he's the tallest in our family. He's 170ish. 175? 178? And then there's me being barely 160... That's just crazy because in my marching group I am the tallest and 'chubbiest' girl. The other girls are just.. they're the tiny type of people, those who's height range in 140-160 and their weight be less than 50 kg. They're skinny af. I also feel different there. Why can't I be tiny and adorable? Same thing in my fam. Why can't I be tall and pretty? I've been thinking these days, that my body type is one of a kind. I don't fit anywhere(?) I mean, I'm neither fat or slim, neither tall or short. I sometimes bodyshamed myself, not lying, and thought that I'm just short and chubby and the fattest because I spend time with my family the most. I did workouts, but I can't control my food, that's the problem hehe. I think I'm just fat but don't want to admit it. The point is, I just feel different everywhere. 

Moving on. I think my needs here in hometown is completed. Met some of my friends, went sleepover with them and also with my family in Sentul, ate foods I can't afford mysel and be completely in shock when my dad gave the receipt, and enjoying some me-time in the terrace with a coffee and minipaos and the sound of waterfall like I do now. If I made a checklists of things that I want to do here, I think they're all are being checked by now. The only thing that I haven't done is my college works ahahahah I abandoned them for so long! Right gotta work now, brb! 

Last night before I move back to the kost, I stayed up really late, I sleep at 4 or 5 in the morning, stayed up watching Twenty Five Twenty One Kdrama. I even cooked Shin Ramyeon for company. I just want to enjoy my house the fullest before the departure. I played too much with Lou I think she's getting bored of me already hahah. My fam took me on a pork culinary before they sent me off skjdhskj bisa-bisanya. We're all pork lovers, you know. My last lunch with them before going was really something. Anyways, thank you Bekasi! You're messy and hot and unorganized and loud but above all that, you're still home. Hehe.

PS. Imma post this blog before the 5th of May, my departure day to Malang. Hey, future me who missed her home, you can read this blog again. Don't miss home too much, hang out more with your kost-mate, or your friendly neighbors, or even take yourself out on a date! Life's beautiful, you know? You have to balance your time there with college stuffs, and here with fams. Just, enjoy every second and every bits of life!