you might die alone and it's okay!

a lifechanger motto. shoutout to dustin vuong who made me realize that love isn't everything. romantic love, for precise. just watched his video for my dinner companion and guess who cried while munching her teriyaki chicken? i did. 

here's the youtube link for yall to watch: https://youtu.be/ZpTos5_nrHs?si=qdmRR1naEPWuZ_3M

i just don't realize how since the beginning, us a human were dictated on this romantic love. how parents said that people are born  in pairs, how we were born with a life partner to accompany us till we die. to grow old together, to share everything. but mom, dad, we're not gonna die if we decide to die alone.. right.. i mean it's not the end of the world if this special person never shows up. 

"oh that's okay love you'll find someone", said someone that's already in a relationship. "don't worry, there's still many fish in the ocean", yeah why don't you find me one? "love come when you least expect it", bullshit. you're already expecting it from the moment that words slip out of your mouth. you made us expect. 

you know what that made me become, all those love stereotypes? everytime i go to the cafe, or a certain party, or a certain event, my eyes were always scanning the room, thinking that maybe i'll find the love of my life in the most unexpected places. well that made me putting hopes like an idiot! how crazy am i to think that i'll meet my loml in the street, passing by like they did in the movies? or that time when i bump into a handsome dude and think that he might be the one? expectations, kids. that's what's wrong with all this. expectations. i expect the most from what yall said "unexpected time, unexpected place". fuck off. 

that things may happen to someone. the lucky one. if you happen to read this and happen to be in a happy, healthy relationship, you have my sincere congratulations, you're one of the luckiest human in the world. love is not a bare nececity, it's a luxury. your basic needs are clothes, food, and a shelter to live on. sandang pangan papan, remember. you don't put your partner in there, do you? 

true, maybe i'm not lucky enough to experience romantic love in my life. my love story was quite pathetic, and that will remain nothing but history. but hey forget that, what i want to highlight here is how life is so much more than a being in a relationship. how we have to someway made peace within ourselves with that. to peacefully deal with that. i'm not saying this because i miserably fail in love, i just want to experience things i couldn't do because the social boundaries. such as, afraid of going to the cinema to watch love movies alone because everyone are bringing their partner. or going to the concert, going out on a date, literally going everywhere, or doing anything. 

it's becoming an addict, to constantly looking for love. can we not, for once? can we normalize having a romantic picnic with friends, or family, or even better, with yourself? can we not gossip about our love life, so that i won't imidiatelly jealous because of your better love story? or least miserable? 

people do die alone sometimes, and i might. it is only for the worst case scenario though. i might also die with my bestfriend, holding hands. who knows? but the point is, i just have to be okay with it. dustin was right, this love centered-obsession is what's killing me, what's making me feel miserable for something that's not even my fault. love is not a mathematical game, like if you dress prettier, or act nicer to boys equals you will become attractive to them. or girls. or anyone else. again, love requires luck and privilages. a lot of it. so don't try to change yourself only to attract your crush. believe me, i tried. now that he's not here, i feel like me again. i don't have to think twice before i act just because i'm scared that he'll judge me, or i don't have to worry what to wear when i'm going to meet him. such things. likee, people do die alone bro what are you so afraid of??? 

it's not a crime when you don't have a life partner, isn't it? a true crime is when you avoid such beautiful chances offers in front of your eyes because the lust and the greed to find a partner to do it together.